The Blue Ball Report

Empower YOUR Eros for Making Love Transcendent with wit & wisdom from Superfvck, the sexy queer superhero, and Digger - sex & relationship coach.

Woody Whipped

A very sex-positive but sad young chap on some rando-planet just called me for a rescue. He had such bad luck with love that he stopped trusting his own ability to choose a mate. He uploaded his love history to the Superfvcking-sexaputer for analysis, while he explained. “Why bother?” he asked, “it will just be like the rest – spark quickly, full of intense passion, last a short tumultuous time and then end in tears. Months later, I feel like I’ve woken up from a spell when it all comes into focus – this dude was totally wrong for me from the get-go, how did I not see it? What the fuck was I thinking?” 

The sexaputer analysis confirmed my response: “You just answered your own question, eager one – you know exactly what the fuck you were thinking – you were the thinking the fuck. Sex is very powerful – it can fill your body with a rush of hormones so intoxicating that you can’t see clearly. Even worse than alcohol because you don’t even know it! If you want long-term romance then beware that great sex can be like a spell tricking you into falling for the wrong person, especially if you get down and it’s really good before you really know much about the other person. This can leave you woody-whipped, aka dicknotized, smegmerized, pussy-whipped, or ass-entranced.

What is the solution? I suggest you try delaying sex – so your head is clear to see if they are is compatible on other levels first – such as their values, goals, interests, maturity, spirituality. When he asked how long to delay, I responded: You’ll need to find what is right for you. I suggest not before the 4th date or a month – during which you are free to talk about the sex you like to check compatibility and enjoy the anticipation and build-up. But also beware the risks of waiting too long. It’s heartbreaking to build emotional high hopes to then get in bed and find that the penis says no. Your whole body has to say yes for long-term love – your mind, your nose, your heart, your sex.

“Love and lust are the only forms of socially acceptable psychosis” I read somewhere (though I added lust). Psychosis is when the mind is truly unable to tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined. Love and lust can be so intoxicating that we ignore or can’t see what is right front of us in favor of what we WANT to believe. Then we wake up ages later seeing the awful truth. Don’t forget this power of love and lust

Pursue love with a clear mind not intoxicated from sex, alcohol, or drugs. Hold your horny horses, boy. Beware the power of sex and keep reflecting: Are my feelings for this person based on real experience and evidence or am I woody whipped?

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