SPURRRTT!!! SPLAAATT!!! Is what we heard as we launched from Queertopia into the Universal darkness. Onwards to the Blue Ball!
And we are already facing troubles. We just barely escaped the event horizon of an Apphole! While blackholes are dying stars so massive that their gravitational pull creates a dark vacuum so strong that nothing can escape – not even light. But appholes are a whole nuther story.
Appholes are caused when a population of a planet gets so transfixed on their technology, usually of the portable, pocket sized variety, that they lose the ability to communicate without it. They grow more socially lazy and inept that to actually speak face to face becomes a terrifying notion – they are literally dumbfounded or terrified if someone attempts verbal communication. They only socialize and meet through apps – otherwise socially challenged. Families become small groups of primates staring silently and whacking their digits at their own little screens.
The politicians don’t mind, it’s to their advantage. With promise of “safety and convenience,” they can spy and monitor and quell dissent like never before.
Slowly the planet falls into an Apphole. Face to face verbal communication is not just unpopular but actually becomes impossible. Spacetime warps light and sound so that only blank faces can be seen and voices unheard – except through technology. The inhabitants become addicted to unable to function without it. Even the simplest of tasks such as wiping your ass require an app.
We felt some effects as we skirted the event horizon of an Apphole (seen brightly lit to the left of the blackhole here). Luckily our emergency airbag diapers engaged to save us from an embarrassing mess caused by the close encounter.
It’s a real clusterfuck. Species foregoing their freedoms and genuine connection and bonding for the bo beep boop – the Apphole!
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